TACO EATING FINESSE

THIS MIGHT SOUND LIKE A SILLY QUESTION, BUT DO YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO EAT A TACO?? I WILL CONFESS TO YOU THAT I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO EAT CHINESE FOOD WITH CHOP STICKS. I HAVE TRIED A COUPLE OF TIMES AND I JUST CANNOT GET IT. IF ANYONE FROM ASIA SEES ME TRYING TO USE CHOPSTICKS, THEY WOULD FEEL SORRY FOR ME.  IN FACT, I DO NOT EVER USE CHOPSTICKS.  I AM THAT ANNOYING PERSON THAT ASKS FOR A FORK TO EAT SUSHI.  SAVING FACE SOMEWHAT! AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MIDDLE EASTERN PEOPLE EAT THEIR FOOD?  WITH THEIR HANDS!  THEY DO NOT USE SILVER WEAR.   THEY USE THEIR HANDS AND EAT A TYPE OF FLAT BREAD. IN FACT, IF YOU DO NOT USE YOUR HANDS, YOU LOOK RATHER LAME.  IT DOES REMIND ME OF TACOS OR EATING WITH A TORTILLA.

“AMERICAN” FOOD HAS ITS SPECIFIC WAYS, TOO.   TAKE THE HAMBURGER.  AFTER LIVING IN THE U.S FOR SO MANY YEARS, I HAVE GROWN TO LOVE A VERY GOOD JUICY HAMBURGER! I LOVE MINE WITH EVERYTHING EXCEPT PICKLES. IF YOU WANT TO RUIN MY DAY, JUST GIVE ME PICKLES.  DAY RUINED. TO EAT A HAMBURGER YOU HAVE TO GRAB IT WITH BOTH HANDS. WHEN THE JUICE AND CONDIMENTS ARE GUSHING OUT OF IT, YOU KIND OF HOLD YOUR BREATH AND BURGER WHILE OPENING YOUR MOUTH SO WIDE TO FIT IT ALL IN.  IT IS SHOCKING THAT ONE CAN OPEN THEIR MOUTH SO WIDE!

GOING BACK TO MY TACOS . . . YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH MAKE A TACO OUT OF ANYTHING – EVEN OUT OF NOTHING. I AM REMINDED IN THIS MOMENT OF MY CHILDHOOD. THE KITCHEN WAS ABSOLUTELY HANDS OFF FOR US AFTER IT HAD BEEN CLEANED UP AFTER OUR MEALS.  NO SNACKING ALLOWED. YOU WOULD BE ASKING FOR A DEATH SENTENCE IF YOU WANTED TO COOK SOMETHING ON YOUR OWN. THE KITCHEN WOULD BE SO IMMACULATE THAT YOU COULD PERFORM SURGERY IN THERE!  BUT MY SIX BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND I WOULD SOMETIMES BRAVE THE WRATH AND SNEAK INTO THE KITCHEN TO STEALTHILY WARM UP A TORTILLA, SPRINKLE A LITTLE SEA SALT AND DEVOUR IT BEFORE ANYONE WOULD NOTICE. TACOS CON SAL- DELICIOUS!

HOW DO YOU EAT A TACO THOUGH?

SO, YOU GRAB A TACO LIKE IT IS A BABY . . . MAKING SURE THAT YOU ARE GRABBING IT WITH TWO FINGERS KEEPING A PERFECT BALANCE IN YOUR HAND AND THE FOOD THAT IS INSIDE THE TACO. YOU TAKE AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF CARE TO NOT LOSE ANY INGREDIENTS INSIDE, WHATEVER THEY ARE! YOUR TACO AND YOUR MOUTH START HAVING A SLOW CLOSE ENCOUNTER LIKE LOVERS DO.  THEN LIKE A PIRANHA, YOU TAKE THE FIRST BITE; A FAST MORTAL BITE.

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN WITH A BUSTY FRONT, YOU TRY TO PROP YOURSELF OVER TO AVOID GETTING ANY FOOD ON THE TOP OF YOUR BREASTS. SIMILARLY, IF YOU ARE A MAN WITH A PROMINENT STOMACH, YOU ALSO MUST REACH OVER YOUR BODY TO GET TO YOUR FOOD. THIS IS TRULY NOT A GOOD TIME FOR A CONVERSATION, IS IT? YOU JUST FOCUS ON YOUR TACO.  AND HERE IS AN INTERESTING OBSERVATION.  AS YOU ARE HOLDING YOUR TACO, YOUR PINKY FINGER TENDS TO STAND OUT.  THIS JUST HAPPENS WITH THE LOGISTICS OF HOLDING A TACO.  IT GIVES YOU A KIND OF SOPHISTICATION. ONE LIKE HOLDING A BEAUTIFUL AND WARM CUP OF TEA.

DO YOU GET THE PICTURE? THIS IS TRULY AN ART.

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