The last couple of years have been challenging for me to write my Just for Kicks. I don’t know why. Honestly, you would think that with more experience I would get wiser and have more drive to write. But I have had writer’s block. Except today, suddenly like a cork popping off the champagne bottle, gone was my writer’s block. That does not mean it is all brilliance coming out. In fact, my brain picks up on all the nuances in relationships and then my head becomes a swirl of thoughts. Trying to jot these thoughts down is not easy.
One thing I have been contemplating and asking myself is, “Why are in-law relationships so dang hard?!” It does not matter if you are the daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, cousin-in-law or the mother-in-law. All positions are challenging and riddled with so much judgement, hurt feelings and even vicious thoughts. But WHY is that? I have been investigating in books & articles and with friends and relatives trying to understand the nature of these relationships.My mother, who was a very wise woman, used to say to us, “How can we have peace in the world if we cannot even have peace within families?” Does this ring a bell to any of you?
We subconsciously separate ourselves from the “in-laws”. It is them versus us at weddings, baby showers, Thanksgiving dinners, all the events! If we met the same people on the street, we might become friends . . . until the moment the engagement is announced. Tell me. Why is that? The same person we met ten minutes ago as friends is suddenly a different person when they are family. “He is too boring for my daughter, too loud for my son. They are too judgmental for us! Are your intentions to be a part of my gang? I don’t think so! Who are these weird people?! Then the gossip begins with other relatives in the family. What religion did she say she was? And someone else answers, “Some weird religion.” How different can a religion be that everyone is so freaked out? But then I discovered, what she said is that she practices Tai Chi! – which I guess can be weird to some? But then we raise our brows further when she tells us that everyone in her family is vegan. OMG! Are these subtle differences what make families judgmental?
Fortunately, we are not living in an Imperial Age when Kings would send people to kill their family members. Back then marriage was more about politics than love but maybe it was easier. SEND MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO THE GUILLOTINE!
Why do we want to cut down our in-laws? Is it because we are jealous that someone from our family has to be shared with a non-blood related family? Is it envy, competition, fear of losing our loved one? Whatever it is, it is not a pretty picture!
In my culture we were taught to respect our mother and father-in-law, but I think it is old fashioned. Nowadays it is rare to find that respect in younger generations. In my opinion the reasons are several but mostly it is this: WHY?? Why do I have to do something I don’t feel like doing? Without taking into account that they are already adults. But things get more complicated when brothers in-law and sisters-in-law get in the picture. The worst of us comes out on both sides. Who does she think she is???
In my case I have had luck that I have not been sent to the guillotine!!
Feel free to share your thoughts on in-laws, family, and life with me – GUADALUPEJ4K@GMAIL.COM.