HEAVYYYYYYY! WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT STORY SHE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN THE DALI LAMA! THIS STRUCK A CHORD IN MY HEART AND MY MIND! AND I ASKED MYSELF “HAVE I BEEN PAYING ATTENTION MYSELF, TO WHAT I REALLY CARE ABOUT IN MY LIFE?” AND THE ANSWER IS, OF COURSE NOT, AT LEAST NOT ALWAYS.
HAVE I BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT I HAVE SAID TO OTHERS?
HAVE I BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE?
HAVE I BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT I ALLOW INTO MY CONSCIOUSNESS?
HAVE I BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT I SAY TO MYSELF?
THIS SOUNDS SO NEGATIVE. BUT! I SUPPOSE WHAT LITTLE ATTICUS SAID RESONATED WITH ME BECAUSE IT MADE ME QUESTION MY AWARENESS. AM I FUMBLING THROUGH THE DAYS, DISTRACTED AND HAZY TO WHAT IS HAPPENING, OR AM I TAKING NOTES, APPRECIATING THE MOMENT, VALUING A CONNECTION, ACKNOWLEDGING AN EXPERIENCE? THE INSIGNIFICANT IS AS IMPORTANT AS THE “LARGE.”
ONE THING I DO PAY A LOT OF ATTENTION TO IS MY BUSINESS. I HAVE COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT I COMPLETELY TURN MYSELF OVER TO BUSINESS. I MAY FORGET ABOUT THE OTHER ELEMENTS THAT CREATE MY PERSON! BUT IT IS EASY TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN BECAUSE I CAN GENUINELY SAY I LOVE MY WORK! I FEEL VERY FORTUNATE BY THE WAY, THAT I CAN SAY THAT! I MAY GET A BIT OBSESSIVE ABOUT WORK, THOUGH I MUST GIVE MYSELF CREDIT: IT IS BECAUSE I POUR MY HEART AND SOUL INTO THE STORE! I SAY, I AM VERY AWARE OF THIS!
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS I’VE BEEN GOING TO MEDITATION SESSIONS AT THE SANTA FE MEDITATION CIRCLE. IT’S A VERY ZEN PLACE. EVERYONE THERE SHARES THE SAME DESIRE FOR INNER PEACE. THE PLACE INVITES YOU TO CALM YOUR MIND. THERE I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO NEUTRALIZE MY THOUGHTS WHILE CREATING AN AWARENESS OF MY BREATH, LETTING GO OF THE “NOISE.” I THINK THAT IS EXTREMELY HARD BECAUSE MY OWN THOUGHTS SEEM TO RUSH IN EVEN MORE, ALMOST AS THOUGH BY ASKING THEM TO PULL BACK, THEY FORCE THEIR WAY THROUGH EVEN MORE! HERE I AM, IN LOTUS POSITION, LOOKING SERENE, BUT IF ANYONE COULD HEAR MY THOUGHTS, “SHOES, BREATHE, BREATHE OMMM, MONEY, MEN, MONEY, OMMM, SHOES, FRIENDS, WINE, CUBA, MEN, I’M FAT, NO I’M GETTING SKINNIER, SHOES, MONEY, FRIENDS, SHOES.” THEY’RE SOMETHING LIKE THAT! THEY ASK US TO DO A PRAYER FOR WORLD PEACE, AND I SAID TO MYSELF “WHAT?! I NEED ALL THE PRAYERS FOR ME!!” I STARTED FEELING ASHAMED OF MYSELF. SO I STARTED NEGOTIATING IN MY MIND, I ENDED UP THAT HALF OF THE PRAYERS CAN GO TO WORLD PEACE AND THE OTHER HALF WILL GO TO ME! HEY! I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET! I FIND IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO STAY FOCUSED ON MY BREATH, CLEARING MY THOUGHTS, NEUTRALIZING THE STATIC. I AM TRYING THOUGH. THE MORE I GO TO THESE MEDITATION CIRCLES, THE MORE I LEARN TO BE AWARE OF THAT WHICH REALLY MATTERS… TO PAY ATTENTION, SO THAT I CAN ADVANCE, LIKE LITTLE SIX YEAR OLD ATTICUS…..
“PRAYER IS SITTING IN THE SILENCE UNTIL IT SILENCES US, CHOOSING GRATITUDE UNTIL WE ARE GRATEFUL, PRAISING GOD UNTIL WE OURSELVES ARE A CONSTANT ACT OF PRAISE.” – RICHARD ROHN, OFM FROM “RADICAL GRACE: DAILY MEDITATIONS”
I WANT TO THANK MY TWO GHOST WRITERS- HELEN AND PAULA. THEY PUT THIS TOGETHER, SO IT MAKES SENSE FOR PEOPLE TO READ!
ALSO, I ALWAYS LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO WRITE ME AT MY PERSONAL E-MAIL ADDRESS !!!!!!!!!!! GUADALUPEGOLER@HOTMAIL.COM