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By December 15, 2022June 23rd, 2023No Comments

As I am in line in the supermarket, without trying, I hear a conversation between two women behind me. It was a typical conversation. They were chatting about the politics, work crises, Covid and fashion. You know we can cram in the problems of the world in five minutes.  One of the women said, “I just came back from visiting my children and I noticed my tone is shorter than before because when I am around them, I have to bite my tongue, to not give my opinion about ANYTHING. If I do, I know my children will either correct me or snap at me. This sounds familiar to me. I had done it to my mother and my children have done it to me.  And I know sooner or later their kids will do the same to them.

I still remember when I was wiping noses and kissing boo boos for them and now, I need help from them.

We as humans are very predictable. As we evolve in life, we have similar behaviors.  A equals B, B equals C and A, B equals D. Our personality is often determined by our surroundings. I am not just saying that. Philosophers and physiologists agree with me, or I agree with them. We also repeat patterns. When I was a teenager, I considered myself a good loving daughter.  That is what I think. I would like to ask my mother to see if she has the same opinion. When it came to my father, there was zero room to misbehave with him. He never had to spank us or raise his voice. When he was upset, boy we knew it. But with my mother, my siblings and I were a little harsh to her and it is too late for me to be sorry about that. I cannot bring the time back to make amendments.

Even at a very young age I use to scold her and if she asked for my help, I would help her but not in a nice way. I would puff and stomp my feet as a sign of frustration.

Well, life repeats itself like the cycle of the moon. Now my children do the same to me and their children are doing the same to them.

Being treated like a twelve-year-old is humiliating and frustrating. We were at one point everything for them just like my mother was to me. Up until the day she passed away, she was always my confident and my support. She had put behind her the many times I would snap at her, and she was always lovingly supporting me.

I remember the times she would say to me, “When I am around you and your siblings, it is easier for me to become voiceless.” And I would say, “Oh mother, why?” Now, I totally understand. You had rather not have an opinion and prevent one of your children from snapping at you. This is not how I now feel myself. I have heard this from many others.

I do confess that it feels loving and comfortable to let our children make decisions on our behalf. The reason is simple. We are getting old and tired. We have done our duties, but we also respect them and feel confident to know they are making the best decisions for us. But COME ON…. Let’s have some consideration.